Tag Archives: finding yourself

To find yourself, you have to look.

It happened. It happened and I knew it would. I sat down day after day trying to make a plan, and day after day, I didn’t. Monotony and boredom began to creep in and with them came the rut. Doubt was all I had left and I began to panic. Why had I done this? I had no plan and no money and as far as I could see there was no positive outcome on the way. What was I expecting? A sudden epiphany, a massive revelation, a red arrow above the path I was meant to take clearly showing me where I was supposed to be going, what route as marked for me. This didn’t happen.

It wasn’t going to be a sudden revelation that flashes across me like a message from above. It came to me slowly over a period of weeks that it would take more than a few new hobbies to get to where I wanted to be. My dad claimed I needed to ‘find myself’ and as cliche as it was, I agreed. I was living my life continuously realising how little I knew about myself. I thought I knew, then I knew I didn’t. So I decided to do the thing that scared me most. Travel. Alone. This wasn’t going to work if I went with anyone else because I would still be hanging onto something comfortable, and I needed complete discomfort to achieve change. How would I ever find myself if I was always an accompaniment to another person or group? I needed to be alone and I needed to be somewhere new. So I took a deep breath and thought hard about what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. I came up with my answer. Canada.

Everyone, I think, has a place that moves them when they think about travelling there. It is somewhere that evokes in you an emotion that you cannot quite explain. You don’t know why but you know you must go there. I didn’t want a holiday and I didn’t want to leave my life indefinitely. I needed time but not endless amounts of it. I googled. I’m a researcher, a list maker, a planner. I can’t make a decision without considering it more deeply than most do, I suppose it’s a part of my overthinking nature. Anyway, I googled and researched how to do it and came to the conclusion that factoring in time to save and pay it, I needed to wait until Summer 2017. Three or four months would enough, not too little not too much. The only thing in my way now is getting my Visa approved. We can but wait.